Someone shit on the floor
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
