Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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