Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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