I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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