So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
