Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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