I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
