somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
