so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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