so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
