Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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