dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
