The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
