dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
