i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
