im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
