Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
