Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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