Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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