I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
