So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
