His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
