Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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