A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
