I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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