You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
