ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
