In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
