When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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