If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
