Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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