I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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