I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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