I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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