everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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