her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
