it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
