I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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