just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
