All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
