Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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