I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
