I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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