Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
