my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize