I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
