so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize