Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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