Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
