how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
