just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
