I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
