JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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