So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
