strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
