look no pants
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
