My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
