I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
