Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
