I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
