I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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