a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
