i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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